now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she peed on how many people?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
