I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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