She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
