forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
