you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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