..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
