I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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