At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
