Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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