Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
