We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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