My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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