also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
