Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
