His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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