bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
