Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
