just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.