can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.