whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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