I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.