They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
