After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all