Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we made out on top of his cat.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
