I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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