Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
