I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
