apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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