WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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