pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
