My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
