If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
