sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
