ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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