He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize