her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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