i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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