i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
