I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
