The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
