So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
