Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
