I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
