Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish I only lived at night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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