dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
