Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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