i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He kissed a someone with a penis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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