her vagine was all disorganized.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're not piercing ourselves today.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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