As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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