What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
