i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
