i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
