I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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