So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
