guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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