Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
