What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
