i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
