it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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