So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
