Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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